Are We Trapped by the Myths of Fairy Tales?

Too many girls are desperately hoping to be envied as valued as the lucky good-hearted girl who finds their ideal true love like Cinderella so that they can receive ultimate congratulations and social recognition from the public. Nevertheless, does the mainstream public harden against women who fail to find their Mr. Right smoothly in the route of love-searching by believing that good-hearted women are supposed to be lucky and blessed in the route of love-searching like Cinderella?

Does the mainstream public tend to believe that “a perfect wonderful love life” is the best evidence and rewards of a good-hearted woman?

Do most people assume that “every good-hearted woman” will be blessed and find their Mr. Right in their first love relationship or 1st marriage?

Most women heard the story of Cinderella in their childhood. It is about a good-hearted girl whose miserable life becomes perfectly wonderful after she meets her Mr. Right. By marrying a flawless prince, the leading lady transforms her life from hell to heaven. Evidently, the author aims to encourage people to keep goodwill in the hard times and there will be blessings. Thanks to the popularity of Disney’s fairy tales, most people believe that good persons are supposed to be lucky in all sides with a wonderful family, wonderful life partner and secure a life which is exempt from troubles and worries.

The sad fact is that as more people embrace this unrealistic belief steadfastly and people become judgmental and indifferent to other people’s life troubles and sufferings. That’s the worst part of it.[1]

Failed relationships should be justified in the route of love-searching.

The far-reaching influence of the fairy tale “Cinderella” is assured. Evidently, author of “Cinderella” Charles Perrault tries to encourage people to keep good-will in the hard times. But, what are the unexpected negative effects of this world-known bedtime fairy tale?

The positive inspirations from Cinderella:

#: Bad things happen to good people, like Cinderella

This story gives compensation for those who are suffering from injustice, oppression, bullying or domestic violence.

#: Only the good-hearted girl will be the lucky girl to be loved and appreciated by Mr. Perfect, like Cinderella

Worldwide readers internalize the ideas from “Cinderella” that only women who have a good heart will be lucky in the route of love searching. Since then, women are educated to believe that their life can be flawlessly perfect if they cinch a perfect love relationship. And most people tend to believe that “a perfect wonderful love life or family life with an ideal husband will be the best evidence and rewards of a good-hearted woman.”

What’s worse, women who fall in love with a Mr. Wrong or fail to find their Mr. Perfect early in their life or in their first marriage might be labeled or victimized as unfortune girls, or women who are not “good-hearted” enough to be blessed in the route of love searching. And women who fall in love with Mr. Wrong or Mr. Abusive can potentially be badly judged as someone who does not possess a kind heart to be blessed by God. What about the life of Jesus? Who is the most good-hearted person you can think of and what his/her life like? What about Princess Diana? What about Audrey Hepburn? What about Mother Teresa? What about the love life and marriage life of Queen Elizabeth II?

Ultimately, this social aura traps countless women in bad, wrong and unhealthy relationships on earth. Countless women would rather embrace loveless or unhappy relationships than being alone, single and being badly judged.

Aside from the aftermath of fairy tales, the global “victim-blaming culture” is another driving force to trap wonderful women in troublesome relationships for decades or even a lifetime.

#3: A normal girls’ life can be perfect if she is able to finds or meets her Mr. Prince, like Cinderella

Cinderella’s normal miserable life becomes perfectly wonderful after she meets her Mr. Prince. Thus, countless women are inspired to set their heart on searching their Mr. Right more than anything else. That fully explains why so many people rush themselves to enter into a relationship with someone they do not truly understand.

Aside from “Cinderella,” “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs” also disseminates the same idea that a Mr. Right can be the lifesaver “to make a woman secure “wonderfully perfect life” which is free from worries, troubles and suffering.”

Fairy tales of “Cinderella,” and “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs” both render a perfect fantasy about marriage life and love life, which gives readers unrealistic and false expectations. The reality is that there will be challenges for every couple and every family has their own problems and issues after the wedding day.

#4: As to the meaning of a good-hearted woman, she has to show unlimited forgiveness and tolerance to those who abuse her, like Cinderella

In response to emotional or physical bullying, silence, absolute tolerance or unconditional forgiveness apparent are not wise moves, which might incite more serious bullying.

Additionally, we should not ask the hurt ones to offer unlimited forgiveness. Instead, we should as those who make mistakes to bear the responsibility to take their faults.

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True love and forever love are happening in fairy tales. Girls want to be the lucky girls as the leading ladies in the fairy tales who find their Mr. Right and embrace wonderful life on all sides.

To convince themselves they are the lucky good-hearted girl, girls tend to constantly remind themselves that their love relationship is the perfect one and the right one even when they are situated in an unhappy relationship.

Girls hate breakups and separation. Too many women blind their rationality and try so hard to collect the evidence of being loved, though it could be something happened a long time ago, trivial and rare.

We’ve seen too many women hold onto the old good moments or little lovely things what their BF has done for them. We’ve seen so many women trying so hard to convince themselves that this relationship is worth to keep so can be the lucky girl who finds her Mr. Right/Prince. So, she can be happy for herself.

Firstly, Mr. Wrong or Mr. Abusive can be super attentive when they chase after women. And most women identify those who chase after them most persistently or aggressively as the men who love them most, which is not true! There are men who can never confess their love. And they are women who are good at catering women without any drop of sincerity.

Girls are overly dread of falling in love with Mr. Wrong. Most women can’t bear the fact that they have chosen someone untrustworthy or unfaithful. Thus, it often takes women more time to accept the hard truth.

It’s never easy for most woman to embrace the hard truth that they fall in love with someone who is not worthy of their love especially for those who have high dignity.

What is worse, once girls value their significant partner as the Mr. Wrong or Mr. Abusive, they can’t avoid the pity or even social prejudice from the crowd, and they know they will be labeled as an unfortunate girl or even a victim from the world too. Thus, it’s can be terribly difficult for a woman to admit that she falls in love with someone who doesn’t deserve her love. Consequently, most women are more likely to ignore the warning signs and problems in the relationship and that’s why it often takes a woman a long time to end a bad relationship. Who is to blame?

We live in a society where often preaches the importance of forgiveness and tolerance. The world often preaches to us that true love is accepting everything a person who is. Countless “women” women surrender for the sake of love. They compromise too much. They make too much devotion, commitment and contributions for the sake of love without limits or boundaries. They leave their principles behind.

Forgiveness is a beautiful idea. And most people are educated to be tolerant in love. The sad fact is that too many women are enslaved by the idea of “unconditional forgiveness.”

Too many women forgive their partners’ long-term ignorance, cheating, repeated extramarital affair, persistent verbal and physical violence with unlimited forgiveness.

It’s understandable that most women try hard to persuade themselves that they are being loved to make themselves mentally comfortable.

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When it comes to love life, it’s good for both parties to set up fighting and breakup rules before they go dating in a relationship contract. Most people don’t do this. But it’s an important move before you initiate a relationship.

A relationship contract can be identified as a relationship agreement between lovers. I would say, a relationship contract is perfectly good to assure the commitment and respect between both parties, which can be beneficial to secure a more open-minded, trustworthy and honest relationship. Also, a relationship contract can catalyze further deep extended communication between lovers or couples.

Further, a relationship contract helps the couples to figure out their demands and desires in a relationship and have a clear view of the expectations from both in a relationship. By revealing needs, desires early on in a relationship is a great approach to avoid unnecessary fights and disappointments.

In a relationship contract, both parties are allowed to list their top priorities, and all of the things that they want to secure in a relationship and the dating rules should be included. As both parties co-create a relationship contract, they will get the chance to get to know each other’s emotional needs and beyond.

But, any form of violence is bullying, which has nothing to do with love. There’s not violet love. There’s no fake love. Love can’t breathe in violence; love can’t coexist with violence. If there’s violence in an imitate relationship, it only means someone tries to bully you in the name of love to make him feel better or to make him feel superior to you. Nothing more.

What I am trying to say it that it’s not women’s duty or obligation to practice unlimited forgiveness within or without marriages. It’s a trap and it bullies the lives of too many wonderful women who are essentially the softie.

Domestic violence is unforgivable. As to God, there are forgivable and unforgivable sins. God didn’t spare the angel as they make unforgivable sins. Remember, there are last Judgment and God’s wrath.

[1] Books are the channel for us to experience the world beyond our culture and real life. For readers of all ages, literature and children’s book do help children to explore and reflect the world more on moral and emotional issues, or even the social codes. We expect children’s books to impart lessons to children. However, I believe children learn more from their parents, the Bible, the church and the real world. If the parents are narrow-minded, closed or judgmental, it might affect the kids to judge the world.